i should be asleep by now but here i am munching on my chocolate cake and sipping my hot milk

when i was younger i was never afraid of being left. i was completely fine with being left behind because im okay with being alone and at the same time i want that person to be happy

but ah life plays with me and here i am

too scared to be left behind

too scared to trust someone too deeply

you’re still on my mind up until now. it has been what? more than two years already? or more than that.  and here i am, still sulking and still asking for an explanation. im sorry i took you for granted. of all the things i’ve taken for granted, you’re the one i wasn’t supposed to take for granted. i used to doubt you and you know that right? but god, here i am crying, begging you to pls come back.

remember how we used to play hide and seek? remember how we used to look stupid, laughing over the smallest things? god, can you still remember when we would sneak in our gadgets and play with it during lunch time behind that big statue in our school? and oh can you still remember how we used to make cards for each other and then try to decide who’ll keep it?

it hurts me how i can talk to you today, tomorrow and even in the future. it hurts me how i can joke around with you, it hurts me how we go along so naturally, it hurts me so much because i knew although we’re back to normal, you’ll never be the same guy bff i took for granted before. i’ll never have you as my best friend forever anymore.

but pls just give an explanation

i still dont know what happened, i still dont get it. i’ve sent you a letter before and it seems like you dont want to talk about it so i never mentioned.

seems like everyone has moved on already. but here i am with my girl bff. still crying over you. do you know you’re the first guy who made me cry? im sorry but youre the reason why i never trusted guys, how i kept my distance to guys, how i never believed in guys. it’s all because of you. you’ve left us before - you’re our bestfriend, how much more for a boyfriend?

im sorry. i know you’ve sacrificed a lot for us. you’ve given up a lot of things in order to hang out with us. maybe you got tired of us. or maybe you got tired of my judgments.

.

i hope youre still thinking about the wasted friendship we had. i hope youre still thinking about going back to us.

but i know

i must let go already

but i cant

im sorry

i should let go and let you be happy right? youre doing perfectly fine now and i hope everything goes well with you along the way.

we miss you.

we wish you’ll come back.

but nothing’s gonna last forever.