This is composed of rants. It might not have a centered idea but for the time I’ve been gone, these thoughts have been running in my mind. Also, these are the thoughts I have in mind seeing different events in front of me.
Thoughts stringed all together in one post
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If there was anything I could hate more than myself in this world, that would be my own thoughts, my own mind.
Lately, I’ve been tripping, drowning and most likely suffocating because of my own thoughts.
School makes me sick.
School makes me feel dumb and stupid. I know I don’t have the place to say that but god whenever stupid scenarios play in my head i just cant help but think that way. I hate myself for not accepting that there will always be someone who’s better than me. Oh, perks of having atelophobia.
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I’ve also made friends with a girl on the internet. She shares the same interest as me and same thought towards our favorite volleyball player. It’s funny how I got so close to this girl considering that she’s cities away from me. Nevertheless, this girl proved to me that sometimes someone from the internet can be more understanding to you comparable to your so-called-clique.
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I’ve been witnessing friends backstabbing each other in front of me. How funny. They’ve all appeared having fun with each other in their pictures. Who would’ve thought that they would be like this? Especially to each other? We all probably had this kind of situation, I thought as I laugh at everyone including myself.
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I’ve made my mistakes. Yes, i do. I accept them completely. Sure, I’ve judged a lot of people and then ask them not to do the same thing to me. How cruel. I know how cruel I can be. I know how I was once an angel with nothing but a good heart. Most especially, I know how I’m cruel now. How I don’t think of anyone anymore… not really.
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It’s all because of how people treated me.
If I don’t speak to you although we used to be close (even a little to more than that), that most probably means you should avoid me as well. I’ve been avoiding people who make me sick. I’ve been trying to give myself a chance to be happy and it’s quite working well. You see, people around you makes you feel dumb. They make you feel like you’re the bad one although all along you’ve been sacrificing yourself for their happiness. They will always take you for granted. And then, when you’re tired from all the using, they’ll say you’re nothing but a fake. Ha. How funny.
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I don’t need anyone in my life who acts everything’s going well and just speaks so ill behind my back, most likely in front of their gadgets.
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I’ve been getting sick of the people who I used to be with before. The people I used to share the same thoughts. I now know why people have left me before. I’m sick of my old self too, don’t worry.
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I’ve been getting a lot of encouragements for the upcoming student council election in our school. So many people believe in me. Ah, when will I ever believe in myself?
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I have dreamt of myself getting killed four times. I’ve read in my sister’s psychology book that our dreams have deeper meanings than how we thought of them.
To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual.
Dreams do give us hints in our life.
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I turned down someone. Is it wrong? Was my decision wrong? Or I should’ve continued and gave him false hope?
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I’m getting sicker and sicker of all the crap you have to make me go through. You told me I have never put myself in others’ shoes? Go to hell because I’ve always did. I’m still praying that someday you’ll put yourself in my shoes. And that someday, you’ll try to understand the responsibilities I have on my shoulders. Most likely, to consider others’ situations other than yours because we all have our own problems. We all get hurt.
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Someone can’t chase you forever. Someone can’t understand you every time. Someone can’t put up with your shits always. Don’t take for granted someone just because they love and care for you.
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You don’t have to be perfect.
You don’t have to mind other people’s happiness always.
You don’t have to let other people put you down.
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Funny how they are the ones they used to warn me about.